So there we were. In Luang Prabang (again) after a great couple (drunk) days in Vang Vieng and we were faced with two options. first: take an easy, one hour, pain free flight from Luang Prabang to Hanoi for $170 each. The second: take a 24 hour sleeper bus for $40 each. We (read: Brian), chose the latter. Of course. Traveling for an extended period of time does lend itself to longer travel days. And since we have the luxury (time) to take a couple days to get from point A to point B, why not choose the longer, cheaper option. Right? Wrong. Twenty four hours. On one bus? This definitely sounded like a recipe for disaster.

So, I did what any normal person would do in my situation. I googled it. DO NOT GOOGLE THIS. I repeat. DO. NOT. GOOGLE. Especially right before you go. I kept scrolling through pages (and pictures!) of horror stories. Everything from getting sick on the bus to the driver falling asleep and well…let’s not go there. Every now and then there was a “it wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever done but I’ll never do it again” post. Reassuring. Now, don’t get me wrong, we were no strangers to long, crazy bus rides, including several sleepers, during our two month journey in India. But for some reason this one felt different, even excluding the fact that it was an entire day’s journey. AND THEN we met a girl on the tuk-tuk ride to the bus station who was on a bus that fell into a ditch because the driver fell asleep (she was okay…). UGH.

On the day we were leaving, we met an awesome Aussie couple at our guesthouse headed in the same direction. When we asked if they were taking the bus they smiled and replied that they opted for the one hour flight. This is when I turned to Brian and asked him plain and simple: was my life only worth $260. I guess so. We exchanged contact info and found out they were Anita and Rohan from GetOnAJet! We promised to send proof of life once we arrived safely in Hanoi (fingers crossed) and made plans to laugh about the whole experience over a couple beers later in the week. 

We set out on our usual “pre-travel day” errands, one of my favorite pastimes: grocery shopping (read: buying snackies)! We also picked up some takeaway chicken fried rice for a romantic dinner for two (plus thirty five or so others) on the Vietnam Express (PS. this is not the name. I just thought it had a nice ring to it). My grocery shopping high came crashing down as soon as we turned into the bus station. No turning back now. Here we go.

The first shock came when I saw the actual bus. In India, you had a nice little cubby with a privacy curtain, and just enough room to sit up with your legs stretched out if you didn't want to lie down the whole time. I knew the buses in Asia were more like individual recliner chairs (having spent 18 hours on one in Peru on the trip where all our travel plans went wrong) but I didn’t expect them to be separated into three individual rows, double decker style: one either side of the windows and one right down the middle, creating two aisles in between. This, for some reason, really bothered me. How were Brian and I supposed to watch Season Five of Homeland, something we have been holding on to since Christmas for the perfect travel day (a 24 hour bus definitely checking that box). Also, sitting in the middle felt so exposed! Luckily, or so I thought, the driver shooed Brian and I (along with another couple) to the very last row of seats, which happened to be a row of five seats side by side. YES! And BONUS, the bus wasn’t full so we were able to use the middle seat as a buffer between us and a place to hold our bags. Things were looking up! For about a minute.

I took the window seat, and if I tried to bring my seat up (read: not reclined), the top cushion would hit the ceiling of the bus preventing it from moving. I know this sounds confusing but basically it meant my seat was at 180 degrees for THE ENTIRE RIDE. And so was Brian’s! But this wasn’t due to any structural defaults, it was just broken. Then the AC started blasting and I swear ice chips were shooting out. Once we were settled in the polar vortex, the music started. It was like an Asian nightclub at 7pm. Even through my headphones I could hear the chaos and within two hours of the trip we were on the brink of going crazy.

A couple people in the back of the bus with us nominated me to ask the drivers to turn it down, and to our surprise it worked. We were told there was a bathroom on the bus and when I realized there wasn’t, my pee anxiety started going crazy. In case you are wondering what pee anxiety is exactly, it’s whenever I realize I’m nowhere near a bathroom, all of a sudden, I have to pee ALL THE TIME. It’s really inconvenient, especially while riding the 24 hour bus from hell. Lastly, while we were prepared for this, there were no power outlets of any sort on the bus (another great thing about the India sleeper buses, each cubby came with power outlets, a reading light, and sometimes even a TV showing an Indian movie without subtitles…okay so maybe the last one isn’t that great, but I always ended up enjoying it).

In addition to pee anxiety, I also suffer from “running out of battery,” anxiety and really dislike running low on anything that takes a charge, whether its our phone or my headlamp. I don’t know why, it just stresses me out. (so it was really fun for Brian when he lost our brand new Anker power bank two weeks into our trip while we were in Ethiopia.)

Around nineteen hours in (and the bus smelling especially ripe and disgustingly filthy) Brian and I had reached our limit. We almost got through the entire season five of Homeland (I’m talking ten episodes back to back) before the inevitable happened and the laptop died. We would check the map from time to time and I swear the little blue dot looked further and further away from our destination rather than closer. And I had to pee so bad, I swear I was convinced it was turning my skin yellow. But despite all of this, (and thanks to Homeland and our kindles) it wasn’t that bad. Would I do it again? Only if we were budget traveling and I had the right resources (enough entertainment and battery power) to get me through the trip. Was it worth the $260 we saved? I guess so. But it will be a long time before I see another bus again. I hope. (update: since taking this bus and writing this post, we have taken two more bus rides over seven hours long and are about to take a 17 hour sleeper from Hanoi to Hoi An. Dammit).

So here are some notes for anyone planning on taking the 24 hour bus. 

1. DON’T GOOGLE IT (well, at least don’t google pictures of it… but also I’m glad you googled it because now you are reading this post!)

2. It’s FREEZING, so be prepared

3. Bring reinforcements, you don’t stop that often (or at least not often enough for me, but I’m basically like a small child and need to be fed every two hours)

4. Stop drinking water. Now.

5. Be prepared to pee in really (I mean really) disgusting places. A couple highlights from our adventure included finding a chicken leg (note: not a chicken bone, an actual leg chopped off a chicken, feathers intact) sticking out of the drop toilet. Another was using a “stall” that only covered the necessary body parts which looked down on the men’s outdoor urinals. 

6. Take sleeping meds (if you don’t have a prescription, you can buy them everywhere in SE Asia)

7. Make sure all of your electronics (especially your kindle) are fully charged

8. Accept the fact that you will be using their blanket that most definitely has never been washed. I thought we would use your silk cocoons for our seats, but it was impossible as we would have slid right off. We’ve taken a couple sleepers (during the day. It’s strange, I know) that may have worked with silk liners but this particular one does not.

9. There are no pillows

10. When they turn on the Asian Nightclub Party music, earplugs won’t work, because the speaker (along with the air vents) are right above your head. Just asked nicely if they can turn down the music and most often, they will.

11. Pack some sort of essential oils to alleviate the smells festering around the bus. My favorites are lavender and tea tree!

12. The bus will stop around 5:30am at the Vietnamese border. The super convenient factor here is that border patrol doesn’t open till 8:00am. You will get your exit stamp in Laos and then walk down (it was freezing so bring your jacket, they won’t let you back on the bus!) to the Vietnam border patrol. Here you will have your luggage scanned, collect your passport, and you voila, you are now a Vietnam tourist!

13. Remember that you have the luxury of traveling for an extended period of time, and taking a bus like this one is all part of the adventure (or at least that’s what Brian kept telling me)

Bon Voyage! (and good luck!)

S+B